As the fourth child, Hannah's life has been left mostly undocumented. Sorry, Han! I always told myself I'd keep up on a blog and a journal throughout motherhood, but time has quickly slipped away and I haven't kept those promises to myself. In any case, I'm here now because I want to paint a picture of each of my kids right now as a little capsule in time to look back on. Motherhood and life feels busy now, but busy in a different way than when we had infants. I keep telling myself our family is complete, but there will always be a part of me that kind of aches for a baby. I have to remind myself, however, that although the baby stage is incredibly sweet, this new chapter with older, more independent kids, is amazing in its own right too. Their independence also gives me a little more independence, and the fact that they are all developing interests and talents and that we get to share in those, as well as sleep through the night and play games together (two of my favorite things), is quite lovely as well.
Hannah Mary Ann - 3 years old
The girl is a riot. She is constantly saying the most random things and seeks any attention, good or bad, from her siblings regularly. She is fun and sassy and does not lack in confidence. While she is social, she also really enjoys being by herself. When she's home with me while the others are at school, I usually know where she is because of the cute little voices she's using to play with her tiny people or dolls. Her favorite spot is behind our big sectional in the family room. We have tucked a few baskets of toys on the bottom shelf next to the wall and it's kind of like her own personal playpen back there. It's always a mess in that crevice but it's hidden from sight unless you happen to peer over the back of the couch and provides her ample entertainment.
Hannah loves books. She has since I can remember. She "reads" them to herself and will do so for hours, especially if there are new ones to choose from. When we get home from the library with a stack of books, she plops herself on the couch, empties the books beside her, and devours every single one using her sweet little sing-song voice to read to herself, flipping wildly through pages until the pile is completely gone through. If I'm able to read them to her, she will happily sit on my lap and listen for hours. If a book is too wordy or not interesting to her, she'll either hurry me along by turning the page, or hop off my lap to grab another, even if we aren't through. She's a girl who knows what she wants.
It seems as though the past few months have been full of some weird illnesses for this girl, and it's hard to watch her tiny body struggle. She manages to get through them fairly resiliently, but there are moments when even her strong willpower can't keep her up and she's just knocked out by whatever the illness might be. Robert and a few of the kids got a pretty nasty cold a few weeks ago leading up to Christmas, and on Christmas Eve Hannah seemed like she just started to get worse. I figured it was part of what she'd had for quite some time, since she'd had a runny nose and a slight cough for weeks at that point. We enjoyed Christmas Eve at my parent's house and then Christmas morning at ours. It was such a magical holiday this year, and we were all so grateful to be able to celebrate together after such a weird Christmas season last year because of Covid. Anyhow, as we were driving to my parents house for brunch late Christmas morning, Hannah fell asleep in the car. When we started eating brunch she just continued to sleep on the couch in the bedroom. At this point I could tell she was getting feverish and she seemed altogether out of it. I hated it because it reminded me of how she'd been nearly 1.5 years earlier when she'd had her febrile seizure. I even mentioned to Robert at my parents that I felt like she might have another one. I hadn't meant to even tell this story here, but I'm already this far so I might as well wrap it up. I ran to 7-11 to get some Tylenol, since that was one of the few stores open on Christmas day. We tried to find an Instacare that was open but didn't have any luck. Our family was all heading to Sing 2 for an afternoon movie. Hannah started perking up after the medicine kicked in so we took her and she even ate some popcorn and drank some Sprite. Things seemed like they might be on the mend.
She still wasn't totally herself after the movie so we went home and called it a night. She was so sleepy so I gave her some more medicine and she went to bed early. At about 10 pm it was time to give her another dose. Robert and I had just put down the other kids and I was going to just let her sleep if she was still snoozing, because she had been so dang tired. As we were walking upstairs we heard her moan and cry a bit in her bed. It sounded weird so Robert went to go check on her and I went to the kitchen to grab her some more Tylenol. She continued to cry as Robert rocked her and then suddenly stopped. I walked in with the medicine but it was dark so I couldn't see her. I turned on the Christmas lights we had strung up around her window to get a good look at her and tried to offer her the medicine. She was totally delusional. She was looking off into space and wasn't responding to anything I was saying. She started looking around the room and it seemed as though her eyes were following something. It was incredibly eerie. Her eyes went in large circles twice around the room and I knew something was up. A seizure was coming on. Robert held her as she began to slowly shake, her eyes were glazed over and her body went limp, just like it had been the last time this happened. Robert suggested we put her in the car and take her to the hospital, but since they had to give her a shot the last time to make the seizure stop, I knew we needed to call 911 right away. We couldn't risk traffic and having her seize in the car for who knows how long. Robert continued to gently hold her on her side and I called 911. The paramedics were here quite quickly, but by the time they gave her the shot to stop the seizure it had been over 10 minutes. Her oxygen was at 50%. Scary low. Minnie and Lou heard the commotion and had run upstairs to see what was going on. They were remarkably calm, likely because they'd seen this last time and she'd been fine. My sweet neighbor, Kendra, came to be with the kids. The girls went back to bed and I rode in the ambulance with Hannah while Robert drove the car to Primary Children's. My mom came and relieved Kendra, and Robert and I had a nice Christmas evening date at the hospital as they ran tests on Han, monitoring her oxygen and testing her for Covid and other respiratory illnesses.
Her body was so tired, but after a few hours they were able to wake her and they were satisfied to see that she could walk (albeit very brief and slow) and communicate, so they sent us on our way around 2:30 AM. I, of course, was a wreck for most of the next few days, making sure to keep up on her meds if there was any sort of fever, and moving her little mattress into our room so I could hear her breathe at night. It felt like it took a million years to get better, as a low grade fever kept coming back most nights, but the cold that had caused this finally subsided and I put her mattress back on its frame in her room. She is now sleeping in there again, but sadly last night she came home from her friend's house having thrown up multiple times. She continued to throw up throughout the rest of the evening, even the water she so desperately begged for. She eventually fell asleep and didn't throw up in the night, but did come out for a few drinks of water, which she thankfully kept down. She's been a little groggy all morning, but after one throw up of some water this morning, she's held down a few crackers and additional water, which I am grateful for. She's laying beside me now as I type this, still so tired and not quite herself. I hate it! I am hoping she's in the home stretch of this, but it's just so sad to see her not feeling good.
After the whole seizure situation was over, I just kept thinking to myself how grateful I was that she'd cried that night and that we'd heard her cry. The thought of her seizing in her bed and us not knowing totally freaks me out. What if she'd lost consciousness and her oxygen levels had gotten so low she'd lost brain function? I can't even imagine. For some reason I always thought after my babies were no longer "babies" anymore that we were in the clear. That health concerns would now be over and I wouldn't feel the need to sleep beside them all night to make sure they were still breathing. But alas, here we are. Honestly, I think as a mom I'll just always feel this deep instinct to protect them, even into their adulthood. It's given me a hundred gray hairs and I know there are thousands more to go, but motherhood is well worth all the anxiety and sleepless nights. I just love them all so much.
Anyhow, back to Hannah Banana now. Speaking of "Hannah Banana"...when we were in Costa Rica there was another family from the U.S. that was staying in the same resort community as us and when we would see them at the pool Hannah would introduce herself as Hannah Banana. It was so funny that she thought it was so funny. She is constantly saying the funniest things and I wish I'd written more of them down. She says her r's as w's and for about a year she'd make statements and then turn to me and say, "Wight, Mama?" translated as "Right, Mama?" First, I loved that she was looking to me for validation. It just felt so sweet. I also loved that she called me Mama. I'm sure my other kids did here and there too, but I can't remember them doing it so regularly. It just feels so endearing. Our neighbor's name is Jocelyn but everyone calls her JoJo. Hannah says it "Dodo" and it cracks all of us up.
William George - 5 years old
The sweetest boy in all the land, and also the most emotional. He feels things deeply, which can be both good and bad. He will cuddle for a million years and is incredibly sentimental. He loves having both me and Robert in his room singing him to sleep and will lovingly hold one of us on each side while we sing "Home on the Range". He has the softest, most beautiful skin and I just love kissing he sweet cheeks and soft neck. It's so strange to me to think that one day he's going to be this big, hairy man who will likely tower over me in height. He still has a bit of baby-ness to him and I'm trying to soak it up while it lasts.
Spiderman is his current superhero of choice and he draws pictures of him constantly. He, Louisa and Robert recently went to see the newest Spiderman movie and the love for him only continues to grow. He honestly loves most superheroes and watching him play with his action figures is the best. The way he makes them fight and then fall and then scream and then fly around the house is pure entertainment. He is loud and really struggles to be anything other than full volume. He's also quite the crafter. Every time I try to throw away anything kind of interesting (an egg carton, paper towel roll or a strawberry container) he asks if he can have it and then turns it into some sort of contraption. To be honest, he's pretty artistic and has such a great imagination. I hate clutter and garbage, but I love to see what he comes up with. He has taken it upon himself to decorate his room with lots of artwork and it's taped on his wall haphazardly with blue painters tape. Stuff like that used to drive me crazy, and it still kind of does, but there is also something so sweet about them feeling proud of the space they've had a hand in creating and so...I let it go.
Will is a bit of a clown. The neighborhood friends think he is hilarious, especially his friend, Jace. He also thinks he, himself, is a major crack up. He loves to be extreme and make things a bigger deal than they are, but that might just be five-year-old boys in general. He doesn't have a lot of good friends in his kindergarten class so I think he's a little quieter in that setting, which might be good for his teacher. He struggled big time at the beginning of the year with the alphabet and reading, but in the last few months he's gotten SO much better. His teacher, Mrs. Wilson, who is a first year teacher, seemed very relieved to see his progress. I was too. I feel like he's incredibly smart, but that he just would rather be doing other things and lacks concentration.
William is about a head taller than most of his friends. For some reason his best friends always tend to be shorties anyway, and it is hilarious to see him beside them because he is literally an entire head taller than them. He honestly looks like he could be a year or two older than them. His tiny friend Jace, is the only boy in this little section of the neighborhood, and I'm so grateful they have each other. They love one another so much. In a sea of sisters and neighbor girls, they are so happy to have at least one boy.
T-ball was the sport of choice last year, and Will is going to be starting baseball again this year. He's mentioned wanting to do basketball and soccer, both of which I think he might like. He's also mentioned trying skiing, which I'm hesitant to do with him because I'm feeling like he might yell at me a lot, ha! But I have a goal to get all of my kids skiing by the time they're 10, so I need to get started on the rest of them.
I had hoped when Hannah was born that she and Will would be fast friends. They've had a bit of an up-and-down relationship with each other. There is certainly love there, but I also think they know how to push each other's buttons, and will do so often. If they are playing happily together, it makes my heart swell and I do all I can to not disturb them and let them carry on as long as they will. I hope in time they only grow closer.
Will is very dynamic and animated and it's really fun to do fun things with him because he really lets you know how fun it is. Christmas with him was awesome. So was Costa Rica. He just loves life, but also feels deeply, and I think all those emotions are a bit hard to contain as a 5-year-old. I need to have more patience with him. I think the swing of emotions is hard now, but it will be a benefit to him later in life as he harnesses them a bit because he will both be able to truly enjoy life and also be sensitive and loving.
Louisa Pia - 8 years old
The girl is a bendy little pretzel. She's also a little block of muscle. Gymnastics has become her true love and she is now on the beginning team at USA Gymnastics with her friend Eliza and goes eight hours each week. All summer she was practicing her backbends and then her handsprings on the trampoline and it's been so fun to watch her really work hard for something. I'll be interested to see where it goes. So far it's costing a pretty penny, but if she loves it, we will pay for it. I'm a tiny bit afraid that gymnastics is going to stunt Lou's growth. The girl has completely plateaued as far as her height is concerned. She and Minnie are less than two years apart and she isn't even up to Minnie's shoulders. William is practically her same size (although he is big). She's just a bitty little thing.
Lou still sucks her two fingers and rubs the tag of her baby blanket on her upper lip. It was endearing and sweet for so dang long, but now I see it and I just think of the millions of dollars we will be spending at the orthodontist to get those teeth fixed. Just kidding...mostly. I've tried a few different things to get her to quit, but nothing has done the trick yet. She even does it in front of her friends and our extended family. She has no shame, which is kind of shocking to me since she's fairly aware and conscious of what others are thinking.
Sweats are currently the name of the game as far as her wardrobe is concerned. Jeans are too uncomfortable, dresses are too girly, leggings show her underwear line and are too cold, so sweats are all she's willing to wear. She kind of looks like she's just in pajamas 24 hours a day, but I've learned what battles to fight and which to let go of, and this is not one I'm willing to go after. She also has me do her hair in some type of braid/half-up situation every day.
Meat and breakfast foods are her absolute go-to favorites. Bacon, sausage, pancakes, waffles, whip cream and berries...she'd that for every meal if she could. Oh, and eggs. Eggs may be at the very tip top of that list. She's dabbling in making them herself, but the girl can barely see over the stove so it's not terribly easy for her.
Lou still loves to collect things. She was our "garbage girl" for the longest time, finding treasures out of all our trash, and she continues to ride a similar wave. She has a hard time throwing anything away and keeps packaging and boxes forever. "Organized piles" surround her bed and room where she keeps the random things she's always tinkering around with. She's actually a really great artist and has a journal my mom gave her for Christmas that she's been drawing these portraits of girls doing different things in. I'm often surprised at how detailed and cute her little cartoon characters are. It seems pretty natural for her.
School is a happy place for Lou, even in spite of not knowing many people in her class or loving her teacher at the beginning of the year. She has now made some good friends, including a boy named Spencer (who she's mildly obsessed with) and loves going to school. She's incredibly smart, but like Will, sort of lacks the concentration to get things done. She often will just stare off into space daydreaming or get busy doodling instead of keeping on task. It's hard to watch, knowing how smart she is, but I figure the concentration may come with time and age.
Louisa is still such a snuggly thing and completely melts the minute you hug her or lay down beside her to cuddle up. I hope she stays that way forever. She thrives with one-on-one time with me or Robert. Minnie would rather die than go on errands with me, but it would be Lou's dream come true. At some point she usually finds something or other she must have and reminds me that she has $3 at home that she can pay me back with. Money burns a hole in that girls pocket. It's gone shortly after she gets it.
Lou is all about style and being cool. She's currently very into sweats and sweatshirts. She loves Vans shoes and anything with a bit of a tom boy twist. Sometimes her fashion sense does both of us in when something isn't clean and she just has to wear it. Getting ready for church is such a chore because she honestly likes about two dresses out of the ten or twelve she has. I used to be so fixated on what my kids wore and how they looked, and although I still want them to looks put together, I've really eased up on it because first, it's too tiring to fight about it, and second, I realize they also want to have their own style. I remember my mom making me and my sisters match and as I got older, I hated it. I feel like letting my kids have a say in what they wear is important, but there are times where I draw a line in the sand. Lou often does all she can to push that line a little further back. I appreciate her determination even if it does drive me crazy sometimes.
Foghorn is the name my dad gave Lou when she was about 3 or 4. The girl has always been incredibly loud, with an infectious laugh and a sarcastic and silly sense of humor. As she's gotten older, Lou has become a bit more shy and I do worry a bit that she might be losing some of her boisterous side, which I love so much. When you really know her, it's very obviously there, but I feel like a lot of people miss out on it because they don't get a chance to know her. Perhaps that's the gift of getting to know Lou...you get to see that sassy, crazy side we all love so much.
Minnie - 10 years old
Our dragon-loving, playwright and artist. Minnie is very into a book series called "Wings of Fire" which is all about dragons. I thought it would be a short-lived obsession but after 14 books, the flame still burns bright in her heart for all things dragons. She is a self-proclaimed nerd when it comes to these things, and I love her for it. She is an amazing artist and is constantly drawing dragons or writing stories about dragons. She's also an incredible writer and writes stories with great vocabulary use and interesting plot lines. She also loves to read and will devour books if she's really into them. I didn't know it, but for awhile she'd stay up past midnight reading books by the light of her nightlight. I was a little mad, but then again, how could I be? I love that she's a bookworm!
Min loves to be social and is very comfortable in lots of different groups. She has this air of confidence that kind of baffles me, but I also love it. At times I'm afraid that she's not terribly nice to her friends because if they're doing something she doesn't want to, like playing sports, she just leaves. Speaking her mind can often come across as confrontational or rude, but Minnie just sees it as being honest. It makes me nervous because I'm afraid she has a bit of "my way or the highway" mentality, but I also think it's great because she knows what she wants and is confident in her decisions and isn't easily swayed. Again, I think it could be done with a bit more finesse and polish, but if she can keep that determination and confidence and use it with a bit of humility mixed in, it's going to serve her really well. I want nothing more than my kids to be confident in themselves and to not feel like they have to do something just because their friends all want to.
I have no doubt that Minnie will likely have a million different business ventures by the time she hits high school. The girl is constantly coming up with plays for people to come to, things to sell with her friends, camps for kids, and right now she and her neighbor friends are deep into a babysitters club effort. They have bi-weekly meetings and yet no jobs yet. Covid and the fact that they're just a tad young is foiling their plans, I'm afraid. But they press on regardless, and I admire them for it.
Minnie is quite musical and has been able to harmonize for quite some time. She tried out for the musical at school, "Shrek Junior", and got the part of young Fiona, which is what she'd been hoping for. She was ecstatic! The range for the song she will be singing is perfect for her and I can't wait to see her perform. Hopefully Covid doesn't spoil that as well.
Many things come quite quickly for Minnie, and at first it often seemed like she wouldn't do things unless she was immediately good at them. That may still be the case with sports. She has proclaimed herself a sports unenthusiast, if that can be a thing. Any time her friends start playing sports, she comes home. But other than that, I feel like for the most part she will try most things and does work hard at them and can do quite well at most everything she puts her mind to.
Min is a great student and really thrives in the classroom. She does well pretty effortlessly, which is both good and bad. Sometimes I worry that with things coming easily to her she won't try as hard as she should scholastically, but I am also grateful she comes by it naturally. She didn't really have any good friends in her class this year, but has done well in spite of it.
This girl is becoming and young woman and I can't believe it and also love it at the same time. It reminds me that one day my kids are going to be adults and I'm excited for them to be my friends. I mean, they are already, but there is something about them becoming adults and hopefully wanting to be my friend in the way I am friends with my sisters and my mom now that makes me so happy. I love my kids so much. I love that we all get to be friends and go through this life together.
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