Friday, September 2, 2011

what three weeks will teach you

This little thing called motherhood is NOT for the faint of heart. My sister Charlotte and I were talking yesterday and determined it's kind of like a mission. Nothing can really prepare you for it. You know it's going to be a grand adventure, and despite how hard people tell you it will be, your vision somehow never really captures how much it's really going to require of you. This hit me the first time I had to get up at 2:30 AM and feed a baby who could suck a nail out of a board and wanted to eat for more than an hour and I was just plain tired and beat up. Tears came to my eyes not only because the feeding was a bit more painful than usual, but also because I finally realized what all the moms meant when they said I was in for "the ride of my life." I didn't realize this is what I'd signed up for. I didn't realize this is how I would feel. But like a mission, motherhood has also been more rewarding and satisfying than I'd anticipated. I love bringing Minnie into bed with me in the morning and feeling her little body snuggled up to mine. I love listening to her breathe and watching the faces she makes while she sleeps. There is nothing more heart wrenching than her high-pitched cry but nothing more satisfying than putting her little heart at ease, watching her head slowly melt into my arm as she's calmed. After a particularly frustrating night I was holding Minnie on my lap and she was looking straight up into my eyes. As I looked back at her a rush of love overcame me as I thought about God's love for His children and the fact that He has entrusted me with His daughter. I felt as though Minnie was looking directly into my heart with her gray little eyes...eyes that were looking at God only three weeks ago. Now they're looking at me, and so is He, with full confidence that I can do this.

1 comment:

  1. You CAN do this!! I hate to say this but i'm glad you think it's hard cause you made your mission seem easy. It's nice to know i'm not the only one that thinks being a mom is hard. It will get easier and when it does you'll get the itch for another one. Masacists is what we are.