beauty in a bump

The minute I thought about having a second baby it was all I could think about.
I couldn't wait to feel a new little body inside of me.
I was ready.

Fast forward nine months...to where my belly is seriously bulging and I am more than 27 weeks along.
It has now become difficult to find something comfortable to wear and my pregnancy nose {it's fascinating how it swells in the last few months} is starting to take over my face.
Why is it so hard this time around to feel beautiful?
Why is it so hard to accept and embrace the changes happening to my body?

After Minnie was born I lost all the baby weight I'd gained incredibly fast.
In fact, two weeks after she was born I was 10 lbs under what I'd been before I'd gotten pregnant.
Truly, it was miraculous. I was eating like a pig and not exercising a bit.
Nursing may have just sucked it all off of me.
I must admit that it felt good to be back to myself again so quickly.
I had been SOOO swollen with Minnie {take a look at the third picture in this post if you don't believe me} and even more swollen the few days after I'd had her because of all the fluid I'd had pumped in me.
I had a whole new wardrobe to choose from and lots more energy.
And for once in a long time, I didn't detest looking in the mirror.

I think we all hold this "beauty" ideal of ourselves as women.
I try so hard to be comfortable with myself in whatever state I'm in, but after reaching a state I'd longed to be at for such a long time (weighing less than I did in high school) it was eye opening to realize how difficult it was for me to depart from it.
I am just now admitting that to myself, but I believe that is at the root of all of this.

In my experience, most women don't feel exceptionally beautiful when they are pregnant.
However, I have never been told more in my life how beautiful I am than when I'm pregnant.
There really is a glow, something radiant, about a woman who is expecting.
I think we can all see it in others, but women just can't see it in themselves.
But isn't that how it always goes...in everything?

Truly, I believe that women are most beautiful when they are pregnant.
They are bringing a new life into this world, fulfilling one of God's greatest gifts to his children.
And gosh, how could I be so selfish to overlook that?
There are so many women who long to be pregnant, and I ache for them and want to make miracles happen for them.
Pregnancy is a time to treasure and it is a time to be grateful for my body and its capabilities.
It is truly a miracle.

Do I sound like I'm contradicting myself?
Going on about how hard it is to house a baby and yet saying how lovely I think it is when anyone else does it?
I probably do.
Well, my intention in writing all of this is not to moan and groan about the woes of pregnancy, but I guess it is to remind myself of what an incredible gift it is.
And perhaps it's also to celebrate the beauty that is womanhood and motherhood and to blast through those walls of idealism we build that inhibit us from truly accepting ourselves and loving our bodies.

So, to this belly of mine, I say "Welcome."