a letter to my babe inside

To my new little love,

It’s hard for me to believe I will be meeting you for the first time tomorrow. I will get to kiss those cheeks, look into your eyes and smell that sweet little newborn smell. My heart is about to burst just thinking about it. I remember feeling this way the night before your sister arrived almost two years ago. It’s very surreal. I can’t believe I get to do it all over again tomorrow.

I’ve felt you grow within me for months and months. In some ways, I can hardly remember what it felt like without you inside me. In spite of how uncomfortable it has been at times, I am going to miss it terribly. Right now, you and I are one. I live so you can live. My breath is yours. You are safe inside of me. Once you arrive and take that first breath on your own we will no longer physically be one, but, my little love, I will still be living for you. The bodily separation is inevitable and necessary but I become fearful when I think of all you will face once you meet this world. It will not be easy, I am sure, but I have no doubt that it will be beautiful. Life, my love, is wonderful and I intend to help you realize that.

 I believe God has given us you, specifically, because our spirits were meant to be together. You and your big sister Minnie were meant to love and live and laugh together. To grow together. To cry together. To triumph together. That is what sisters are for. And I promise you that your dad and I will do all we can to be the parents you deserve. I promise that our house will be filled with love. We will dance. We will wrestle.  We will snuggle. We will make cookies, have lemonade stands, run through the sprinklers, sing, run, pray and find adventures together. Christ will be the center of our home and we will do our best to teach you who He is and work together to become more like Him and to love as He loves…unconditionally.

The world can be a scary place, but I promise that you will find a haven from all that worries you in our home. It will be a place of peace. I want you to tell me things, the deepest desires of your heart and I will listen without judgment. I will teach you what I can of right and wrong, but then it will be your turn to face the world on your own. I promise to be there when you falter, to pick you up and to push you back out to try again. Your potential is limitless and I am humbled to be your mother and to be a witness to your growth and beauty.

What a gift it will be to add you to our family. And what a gift it is for you to have such a sweet sister to be by your side the rest of your life. She can’t wait to meet you, to hold you and to love you. We’re hoping you’ll survive your first few months because she will inevitably be trying to hold you in awkward postions, rock you and shove binkies and bottles in your mouth. We’re working on the concept of being ‘soft’, but I hope you’ll understand if it takes a while. You’ll be all the stronger because of it.

Another c-section scares me terribly. No matter how many times I’ve been reassured that all will be quick and easy, I still can’t help but be anxious. You’ll soon learn that’s how I am, especially once I became a mother. However, the thought of meeting a beautiful, healthy you, after it’s all said and done, is what gives me the courage to face it once again. The moment I get to hold you in my arms, to hold you against my skin, will ease all of those fears. Tomorrow can’t come soon enough, and I will thank my Heavenly Father for it forever.

All my love,

Mom