Tuesday, August 4, 2015

wildflowers, pb+j's, auntie j and mama anxiety at it's best {or worst}

Robert was out of town last week for three days at scout camp and it was majorly depressing. I don't know what it is about having him gone, even just for three days, but it just throws me right out of whack. He's pretty much only home for four waking hours of the day, but just knowing I can't call him to chat or that he'll be around for back up around bedtime reminds me how much he means to me. He is so incredibly helpful around the house and with the girls and that never becomes more clear than around 8:00 pm when I'm wrangling the ladies into their pajamas and trying to convince them that sleeping is a good idea. I had been dreading those three days for months and you won't believe how grateful I am they are behind us now.

My dearest sister, Julia, often becomes my second husband when things like this come up. Bless her. She is such a good friend to me and I love the way she loves my babes and the way they love her back. We headed up to Albion Basin one of the nights Bob was gone to have a little picnic and enjoy the wildflowers but it turned out that every other person in the Salt Lake valley had the same idea. We were lucky to find a place to park (after driving around for 30 minutes) and the sun was about to set by the time we got out of the car. But, the girls love themselves a picnic so we found a few good rocks to sit on and the girls chowed down on their pb+j's (Julia and I had already eaten most of our Zupa's while trying to find a parking spot...couldn't help it).  The wildflowers were kind of on their way out, but goodness, they were still terribly pretty. I'm always in awe of scenes like these in the wild, especially after trying to keep my own little garden alive. How do these just grow like this...in the wild? God is obviously the master gardner. The evening included more driving than adventuring, but I'm still so glad we got to go. It does a soul good to be up in the mountains, even if it's just for 45 minutes or taking it all in through a car window.

Robert and I are leaving tomorrow to spend a week in Costa Rica. It is kind of what dreams are made of to be able to spend an uninterrupted week with the man of my dreams in a tropical foreign country, but goodness, my heart is in my stomach thinking about leaving my girls behind. My incredible mom has been kind enough to offer to watch them and if it weren't for her, we wouldn't be going. I know the girls are going to love their time with their grandparents (and I'm hopeful my parents love it just as much :|) but we are a family of four, and splitting us in half just feels weird to me. Yes, maybe for a night, but a week? I don't know why that just feels weird and indulgent to me. I know it will be wonderful and that it will be a time Robert and I will look back on for years to come. I don't see us doing anything like this again until our kids are much older so it's kind of like now or never since we don't have a nursing baby and both our girls are at such good, independent ages. And having a meal without having to chop up everything into tiny pieces and try to referee who gets which crayon before an all out screaming war ensues will be quite delightful. And to read a book on a plane?! I don't even remember what that feels like. That will be luxurious. But...my babies! Those two are my world and I know I'm a sap but I'm going to miss them like mad. My anxiety has been through the roof the last few weeks but I'm certain it will calm down once we land in San Jose and are able to call them that first day away. Mama anxiety is no joke. I think it drives Robert batty, but he's always so good at talking me through it and reminding me that it's all going to be fine. I know it will, but I can't help but already look forward to our reunion with these two little love bugs.

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