today

Life, man. This blog and a million other things have all been put on the back burner these days because...nursing. The babe loves to eat, and when he's not eating he's probably spitting up and will want to eat again within a half an hour. It's a time consuming job being a milk machine. William is six weeks old now and I've had a draft post of his birth started for weeks now and I'm pretty sure it will still be sitting in my drafts for another month. In the meantime life is still going on and yet I just haven't felt the energy to document things until recently. Most of my posts end up being novels, but I'm feeling this need lately to just document the simple, daily pieces of our lives. I feel like if I can just put up a quick post or two a week I'll look back and be so grateful. 

The girls were wild today. I think that's just how I'd describe life in general at our house these days: WILD. Those two are best, best friends and their conversations and little pretend play make me laugh every day. Minnie also shot Lou with the house while they were filling up the water table (hence, Lou's nakey tummy) so they can also be mortal enemies sometimes too, but the best friend part makes up for the ugly stuff most of the time. We've had days and days of cold, rainy and windy weather so the sunshine today was such a welcome change. 

The last few weeks I haven't been feeling very well and all of the symptoms I've looked up on the internet point to cancer (don't they always?). I'm guessing it's probably not cancer, but it's gotten me thinking that in the chance that it is, am I really happy with how I'm living my life? Am I being the kind of mom I want my kids to remember? The answer to that question for me right now is...no. Having three kids has kind of thrown me for a loop. It has been absolutely wonderful to add William to the mix, but in the process I've felt myself snapping at and neglecting the girls way more than I ever imagined I would. I really hate it. The fact that I'm also not feeling 100% doesn't help much either. In short, I'm not being the person I want to be right now but I'm working on it. Robert and I really tried to have a nice FHE tonight but it ended in tears because neither of the girls were listening, William was hungry and Robert and I were tired. Oy!  I ran and got us some shakes after we put the girls down to drown our sorrows about tonight's events. Thank heavens for a new day and a new start tomorrow.

I snapped these pictures really quickly before we headed in for baths, which actually turned into showers upon their request. When I look at these pictures I just feel this sense of gratitude for my babies and for my life. I love them so much. I mean, look at Lou's belly and pigtails! That is the stuff my dreams are made of. And Will's little fists while he sleeps! I can't get enough. Robert is also a baby whisperer with that little boy. He has this special hold that lulls Will right into dreamland. Will loves his head titled back at about a 90 degree angle while his arms just flop to the side. It's so strange and I cannot replicate it so my trick is nursing. It's all I've got. Will is also a big fan of the Baby Bjorn and he never seems to look tinier than when Robert has him strapped in that thing on his chest. My boys! I love them. These simple moments will be treasured in my heart forever and I'm hopeful I can document these sweet little bits of life more frequently, because I know they are going to pass faster than I can imagine.