Wednesday, March 14, 2018

dear baby

Dear Baby,

Tomorrow we officially get to see and kiss your sweet face. We are all pretty giddy about it.

Minnie has been singing her own little made up lullabies to you in my belly the past few days because she recently learned you might be able to hear her voice in there. She's hoping you will recognize hers when you come out. I am so grateful for Minnie. She has filled the role as oldest sibling in such a big way since William was born and I know she is going to be incredible with you. I hope she will remember this time in the life of our family forever and know how proud I am to see her love and care for her younger siblings. I love when she rubs my belly and we dream up what you'll look like and be like and all the fun things we'll all get to do together soon. She's been telling everyone about you and is so excited about the blanket she and her first grade class are making for you.

Louisa is dead set on naming you Izzy and gets quite upset when we suggest otherwise. She also names all of her dolls and stuffed animals Izzy, but you would obviously be the best Izzy of all. Lou is also a bit concerned Robert and I will be stuck at the hospital forever and has cried a few times when she mentions us leaving to have the baby. We've reassured her it will only be for a few days and that she'll get to come and visit and see you and hold you, and as soon as that sinks in she's back to her happy self. She's been telling everyone I'm having you "tomorrow" for the past three months. Today she'll finally be right!

William has no idea what's coming. He's been a mama's boy 90% of his life, but in the last few months has slowly eased out of it, which was really great timing. Last night I rocked him in the rocker like I do most nights and got a little teary when I thought about his babyhood in our family coming to an end. This has happened with my youngest every time we're about to welcome a new baby, but the feeling is usually fleeting because there is no greater gift I could give to my children than siblings. Seeing your relationships blossom has been one of my most cherished experiences in life and I know you are some of each other's greatest blessings. William loves babies, and I'm hopeful he'll understand the word "soft" quickly so we don't experience too many traumatic incidents. The first time we decided on your name I asked William to say it, figuring he'd probably come up with his own little version of it, but it came out of his little lips clear as a bell. It was pretty sweet.

We've chosen a name for you from Dad's side of the family. Each of your siblings have received a family name and we have loved the meaning and depth each of them carry. I hope you will learn to love and appreciate yours. I've mostly left naming you up to your dad this time, as I did with William, and I really love the name he chose. Gosh, your dad is a good man. You are going to love him, just like your siblings do. He's as good and kind and as fun as they come, and you will not find a man with a better heart. He's the best storyteller in town, has become a human jungle gym in our house and is the wrestling, snuggling and tickling king. Bedtime routine is never boring with him around. I hope you will confide in him and feel his unwavering love for you. We are all so lucky to have him. He and I have spent late nights recently talking about you and the miracle you are to us. With each baby we've welcomed, I feel like he and I grow closer and happier and we are so excited for the spirit and love you are going to bring into our home.

The entire process of getting you here tends to bring anxiety into my mama heart. I don't think I ever  really knew anxiety until I became a mom. I just love my children in such a big way and want to do the very best I can for you. Please be patient with me. I know tears of joy and frustration are going to be shed in massive amounts these next few months, but it is a time of life where the spirit feels so close and life just feels so sweet, and all of the good outweighs the hard. Our family isn't perfect but we are dang happy and just can't wait for you to be part of us. See you tomorrow, little one!


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