Friday, January 31, 2014

a post i didn't post

I found this post in my drafts this afternoon.
I must have written it shortly after Lou was born.
For some reason I felt as though I was reading someone else's blog while I read it.
It wasn't because I don't still feel this way, but because I felt this extreme amount of empathy for myself as I read it.
Slightly strange, yes?
I think that's the beauty of writing something down.
We get to see ourselves, our lives, in a new light and from a new angle.
It was refreshing and disappointing all at once, and yet it made me very hopeful because even in spite of the monotony of my every day for the last month {or six months, or even year} I genuinely love where I am.
And isn't that the quest of life?
To enjoy where we are when we're there?

So with that introduction...the post I didn't post {until today!}:

Two nights ago, as Robert and I were slowly drifting off into dream land, I asked him, "Do you ever feel like every one of your days is just the same?"
He quickly replied, "Yes" just like I knew he would and that was pretty much the end of it.
I didn't need much more than that because I was simply reassured knowing he felt the same way and so I let my little head sink into my pillow and I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

The fact is, I feel like I'm living in the movie "Groundhogs Day" pretty much every single day of my life.
Wake up, watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with Min while I nurse Lou, try to get Minnie to eat breakfast, maybe read some books together, paint or color, go to the library, play with a friend, try to get Minnie to eat something for lunch, nurse Lou, put the girls down for a nap, struggle to get Minnie to fall asleep, she fakes she needs to go potty so she can get out of bed about one zillion times, try and get a little laundry done, check out the interwebs for a bit, make dinner, bob and julia get home, eat dinner, clean up, feed Lou, bathe the kids, put the kids down, go to bed, the end.
For the most part I like the day that I'm living over and over again, but once in a very little while I kind of feel like I might explode.
The laundry is NEVER done.
There is always a pile lurking somewhere that I'm trying to avoid folding or washing or putting away with all my might.
The dinners I make never last for leftovers the next night because Julia, Bob and I eat them for lunch the next day.
My mom never let us eat dinner for lunch when we were little.
Now I understand. Smart woman.
And you know what? Cooking is not my favorite.
In fact, sometimes it is the very last thing in all of this big wide world I want to do.
Mostly because I can never manage to remember everything I need for my recipes at the store and then I come home, put the girls down for naps and then three hours later I'm making dinner and suddenly realize I've forgotten the key ingredient and I'm out of luck.
Grocery lists are not my specialty.
I've become pretty good at improvising with what we've got in the cupboards, but I think Julia and Bob are getting sick of Mexican {you can't go wrong with beans and lots of cheese, right?}.

I am entirely aware that this funk I am in is my own darn tootin' fault.
I mean, of course life is going to be much the same every day because that's just the way it is, but gosh dang it...I need to learn to love it more.
I need to set goals for myself.
I need to enjoy the tiny details that really make life so so sweet.
I feel like I try but some days I'm just so far down in the trenches that it's hard to get a better view.
You know what I'm saying? 

Yes. Yes, I do.
But guess what?
Reading this after not seeing it for a few months just gave me a better view, and if I had to pick a day to relive over a thousand times it would be these days when the laundry piles up, diapers spontaneously explode, leftovers don't last and major exhaustion sets in.
Because one day these days will be over and my "Groundhog Day" will no longer include two smiley, sassy babies and a loud, full home.


  1. I loved this post! I feel the same way sometimes, I have to sometimes consciously say 'today is great, this routine is a good one' or else I also, feel I might go a little crazy!

  2. Are we the same person?? I always have laundry, I don't like cooking, and I don't do lists. Sigh. Enjoy being at home ALL DAY right now, cause school will start soon enough, and then you're back and forth. I miss the days where the boys and I would spend at least 2 days straight in our PJs.